Some of the goals of therapy

To find ways to love and accept love

How to stop getting stuck in feeling bad about yourself

To create a fuller and happier life

To find ways out of helplessness and the feelings of being overwhelmed

To find a way out of the unnecessary pains, sadness, and losses in our lives

Wednesday, August 24, 2011


      Let's look at another story.   A person remembers quite vividly a time when his mother is crying.  He/she remembers feeling helpless and upset that she seems so distraught.   He/she tries to console her.  Say the apparent precipitating event connected with her tears is some willful action on the persons part (as child).  The causes of the mothers pain may be multiple and this particular interaction may actually be a small part of her distress but this event is sort of the thing that breaks the camel's back.
     What kind of stories get internalized.  First off, there are many possible variations and so these ideas point to only one of the possible stories.   One story would involve the  child connecting the dots between his/her willfulness and the mother's hurt.  An internalized story might be "getting my way hurts the person I need, love".    So, what happens to the internalization of this story.   Our sense of self partly resides in our experience of will and agency.    So, as the person moves about in the world, trying to build a life, he/she may have some difficulties around "agency" (making things happen) especially when the his/her intentionality may conflict with someone he/she cares about.  An example of one of these difficulties would be a hyper alertness to the feeling state of the other - am I hurting the other.   Of course,  hurting the other is not the aim but with this internalized story, hurting the other takes precedent over all other factors.  Factors, such as, maybe the others "hurt" is that person's reaction to not getting his/her way.  In a way, this internalized story trumps reality, the person is more responsive to "hurt" in the other than the actual consequences of the various choices and intentions in play.