Some of the goals of therapy

To find ways to love and accept love

How to stop getting stuck in feeling bad about yourself

To create a fuller and happier life

To find ways out of helplessness and the feelings of being overwhelmed

To find a way out of the unnecessary pains, sadness, and losses in our lives

Sunday, August 28, 2011


     The arrival of a baby is a very significant time for a family.  The baby is completely dependent upon the caregiver, let's assume that it is the baby's mom.  The mother in essence becomes an "attention giving" figure on a 24/7 basis.  It is important to realize that the process of getting attention is a profound human need.  The husband in this scenario experiences a significant status change.  He goes from being the woman's main attention, the number one priority for the receiving of loving attention,  to someone in a third or lower position.  He can have a helping role in the family system, but in the dyadic system of husband and wife,  a kind of a "time out" process sets in.  Most often, this time out process is expressed in a diminished amount of attention the woman can give to the husband and also in the sexual life of the couple.    In addition, the mom's need for the getting of attention (attention from the husband) is still extent, and if anything, the need is somewhat amplified since she is giving out so much.
       How a couple handles this shifting of attention, this shift in prioritizing, is central to the quality of their relationship and of the family life.  How to tolerate this time out period and how to transition out of the time out era are crucial issues to work out.

The need for attention is so fundamental that discussions regarding this need most often go towards discussions about when it is problematic.
see for example:

a simple pointing towards the need: