Some of the goals of therapy

To find ways to love and accept love

How to stop getting stuck in feeling bad about yourself

To create a fuller and happier life

To find ways out of helplessness and the feelings of being overwhelmed

To find a way out of the unnecessary pains, sadness, and losses in our lives

Tuesday, July 26, 2011


“All the mistakes I ever made were when I wanted to say ‘No’ and said ‘Yes".

Often saying "no" is an act of defining something about the self, about making real a difference between self and other.  Sometimes saying "no" is propelled by a defensive defiance because the self is experiencing the situation as one framed by demanding compliance.  The task for the self (the "I") is to correctly assess whether the situation is really one of power, compliance and submission OR is a situation where differences are real and not arbitrary.  

Sometimes the difficulty with saying no is that the person feels that they will be "hurting" the other.   In some of these situations the person harbors a wish or yearning that there are no differences between the self and other and hence no conflicts of desire or intentions.  This yearning that there are no differences is a kind of magical thinking.  If someone doesn't get their "way" (their desire or intention), they may feel hurt (especially, if they have bought into the agreement that we have no conflict of interests).  This hurt, although it may be experienced, is rooted in an un-realness.