Some of the goals of therapy
To find ways to love and accept love
How to stop getting stuck in feeling bad about yourself
To create a fuller and happier life
To find ways out of helplessness and the feelings of being overwhelmed
To find a way out of the unnecessary pains, sadness, and losses in our lives
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Most of us accept that we have needs and most of our needs are present in our relationships. A need often finds form, is carried in our wishes and yearnings. So, why is it so difficult to express our yearnings to the other. Often shame becomes the basic obstacle to expressing our wishes and yearnings. Part of the meaning of shame is that we do not belong to the group, that the group has shunned us, has thrown us out of the circle as not acceptable. So, to feel shame about a yearning has several sources. One source is from experiences growing up, for example, when a yearning was ridiculed by the other. Another source is that a yearning points to an absence, something missing, which is yearned for - for example, the yearning to feel wanted and desired, or the yearning to be chosen, picked. To acknowledge an absence to the other is a most vulnerable moment, because at that moment we own our need for the other. We own that we feel incomplete, we are not just independent entities, but also dependent persons. Sometimes in that vulnerable moment, the other can feel superior to the person giving voice to his/her yearnings, and hence can transform the moment into one of power and submission or ridicule. On the other hand a deep bond can develop if each can acknowledge needs of each other.